How my fear of burn out blocked my receiving.

When I was in high school I would go to bed at 9pm on the dot because I had to wake up early (circa 5:30) every morning and there was no way I was sacrificing my sleep. My sleep time is sacred.

My family would make fun of me, they joked they never knew a teenager who would put herself to bed so early. I would stop doing homework even if I wasn’t finished, so I could get my 8 hours in. I was 100% happy to be a B student if it meant I was also rested and healthy. (Art & English were my “A” classes and those were all I really cared about anyway… they’ve served me well!)

Fast forward to 2012 starting my photography business full-time and working like a crazy. I still got my sleep, but I worked like 60 hours a week - in hustle mode, networking, learning and shooting for not enough money.

I wouldn’t say I ever hit burn out, but at some point I realized I wasn’t getting the results I wanted and so I stopped. I stopped doing the business tasks others said I should if they felt forced, uninspired and weren’t bringing the results I wanted. I raised my prices. I spent time off with my boyfriend (now husband) I let myself off the hook and chilled the f*ck out and remembered I should have FUN with this creative business.

In 2015 when I launched my coaching business I again went into overdrive working because, honestly, I was SO FLIPPIN’ EXCITED to get my message out into the world and help other creatives. But, again, I found myself feeling like I was doing a lot of work and still not receiving the results I was really craving. Recenter, reevaluate, realign.

As I’ve gone full-time with my coaching, speaking, and now retreat hosting- I’ve had MAJOR resistance to adding to my work schedule. I fear the hustle. I fear burn out SO badly, even though I’ve never really been there. But I’ve heard the horror stories of other entrepreneurs going into adrenal fatigue, losing love for their work, experiencing anxiety & depression, and generally living an unhealthy lifestyle because of overworking. I also have a chronic pain condition and know stress and physically overworking is harmful.

I like spaciousness, I like calm, I like sleep, I like me time. I feared taking on more clients meant I’d lose all that. I feared I would spend nights ignoring my husband and working. I feared I’d not take care of my body.

So often, when inspiration to work would hit I’d RESIST going to meditate or write or send an email because I thought '“No, Sonya, don’t be one of those workaholics! Take your playtime, don’t work after dinner, don’t work weekends, don’t fall into the trap.” But I realized-

I was actually keeping myself from receiving what I wanted- which was more opportunity to do the work which energizes and lights me up so much! More clients who I adore and feel so honored and excited to support. More money which would support my self care, my travels, my goals, and mean my work was having a bigger impact in the world. I blocked myself from receiving all that because I feared being overrun by work and losing my spacious schedule.

Now I know, I don’t have to fear that because I’ve already made it a habit to get my sleep in, to take time for me every morning before I work, to break for lunch and workout, to shut the laptop when I’m tired and to not push, but rather, flow. My theme this year was “Power Flow” and to me that means leaning into all the things I’m being drawn to create, offer, host and how I expand my reach into the world- while maintaining a deep sense of self, of sacred downtime, of spaciousness. That’s all part of my work now. I’ve mastered it, and I no longer have to fear burn out.

I’m primed for massive receiving. I’m ready for more. I’m eager to power flow into my next levels of joy, wealth and impact. And it’s already happening.

Need to recharge, receive and create some intentional space for clarity to come through? Check out my Expansive Experiences Costa Rica retreat! Early bird ends 12/12! Join us for a 5 day spiritual biz retreat for women March 12th-17th 2020. (Bonus community & group coaching program included and kicks off 1/20/20.)

Now I cannot fit in.

I worked so hard to build a mainstream life. A normal life. A don’t see “my weird” life. Only to realize- I’m forging my own stream. A wild life. A weird in the open life.

I started long ago but I didn’t realize it, or as I did I got nervous, embarrassed, quiet, content.

I can “just fit in”. // I cannot.

I am “just like the others”. // I am not.

I will “just be happy getting by”. // I will not.

Everything I was called to, everything I hid, everything I wanted to share, everything I’ve ever done- has come to a messy, beautiful, expansive peak.

An arrow to the future.

Now I don’t fit in.

Now I am not like the others.

Now I am only happy going above & beyond.

Now my choreographer dreams collide with divine downloads of movement.

Now my poetry comes out as declarations of self love & inspiration for my soulmate clients.

Now my travels become my work trips.

I am EXPANDING. Are you?

7 Tips for Launch & Burn Coaches

Something I’m seeing in the coaching world that’s hurting people:

Kick butt coaches/consultants who change their niche every 6 months. They do a big launch for one kind of service/program then get burnt out. Then switch directions and maybe drop their current audience. Maybe disappear from the online world for a while. Maybe burn down their current business structure and start something totally new. Loved what they were doing? Too bad *poof* it’s gone forever!

Oooof it’s exhausting just watching! Nevermind, the clients who get left behind after investing in someone they were really excited about. It’s one & done. It’s a little, well, “millenial” to be honest…

Some things to consider if you want to coach & do launches and you are multi-passionate:

1. Create a business that can include expansion. Maybe that means adjusting your biz name or title, maybe that means setting up your core offers to run as passive income while you explore, create & launch new things. Maybe that means you need 2 websites.

2. Consider your patterns. Why do you love this launch & burn cycle? What about it is temporarily filling a void within you? What pieces are connected to your money story? What pieces are connected to your fears, insecurities?

3. Are you really listening CONSISTENTLY to your higher self & inner guidance? Because she does noooot love you burning out. Ain’t about that life. So how can you keep tuning in, keep yourself in biz, and acknowledge your triggers for overexertion?

4. Fear of commitment. Straight up.

5. You’re not creating a business or brand in alignment with your truest self. Because you should never get burned out on being you. If it’s taking too much energy to consistently show up, something is off. And if you’re not playing the right role in your biz, ask yourself what that is and what kind of support do you actually need to sustain yourself?

6. If you’re providing any kind of coaching or healing services I believe you should take your clients’ process into consideration before you run in another direction. Not that they should hold you back, but have you even thought of how to help them transition to work with someone else or give them support as you change things? These are people who’ve invested in you after all, respect them.

7. If you’re feeling unfulfilled it’s probably because you’re not experiencing the sweetness of longevity in your work. You’re not allowing yourself to have that- to create, and tweak, get feedback, and adjust and expand within the container of work you created. Dating is fun, relationships are better. Allow yourself to sit through the ups & downs of what you’re creating, and experience the joy of seeing it through. Of running your offer again & again and seeing it grow. Seeing your clients come back. Seeing yourself challenged to master something. That’s fulfilling. Creating is easy, sustaining and expanding is the true work.

If you’ve been on this rollercoaster of launching and burning I invite you to step off. To come down from the adrenaline rush, and take a long walk with yourself.

There’s beauty in the calmness. There’s comfort in commitment. There’s legacy in longevity.

And consider who is supporting and coaching you through all this? Are they also on the rollercoaster? Are they saying “Yes! Do it all! Launch, launch, launch! Follow your new idea!” or are they calling you out on the deeper reasons you’re jumping around and burning out? I’m sure all your ideas are great. In fact, there’s time for all of them, but not like this. This is chaos. This is not creating a cohesive brand. This is not allowing you fulfillment and true success. You don’t need just a cheerleader, you need a truth talker. And you can come see me for that.

What I'm Releasing from 2018 Hard & Fast

What is no longer serving me is no longer serving other women on a grander scale. So I invite you to join me in releasing these things, hard & fast. There’s no space for this in my world any more. What are you ready to leave behind in 2018?

1. Women in positions of leadership or power who claim to be about the raising up of other women, but are not really there to do so. Narcissists showing up for themselves with a facade of feminism, community and spirituality. I’m not about it, I will not support you or your businesses in order to fit in, in order to appear I’m in your sisterhood of falsity, in order to play by your rules. You are trampling over women in the name of six figures. In the name of recognition. In the name of proving your worth. You’re hurting people and we deserve better. Check yourself, and let’s stop putting these women on pedestals out of fear of backlash.

2. Ignoring racism in the spiritual and entrepreneurial worlds. It’s there, it exists, I am white and I cannot change that but I can do better in externally showing my effort to support women of color. This has been a big underlying theme that’s come up for me in the last year. I see more women bringing these tough but necessary discussions to the table and it’s made me uncomfortable and intrigued and I’ve started taking a deeper look at who I engage with, who I collaborate with, who I learn from, who I support, who I work with and how to leverage my privilege for good in this world, while not letting it hold me back with fear of accepting opportunities or shining my brightest. Supporting and shining light on women of color does not take away from my soul’s mission, my work, my income, and it does not take away from any other white person’s. I don’t believe spirituality belongs to any one race or culture, I believe the sharing of rituals & traditions is a good thing, but there is so much that’s been stolen or appropriated or gone uncredited and it’s overwhelming to consider it all, but I want to be more conscious of where my practices are coming from and what I’m sharing and it’s origins. I’m not going to do it perfectly, but I will try to do better. I’m proud to have participated in some great events in 2018 that truly showcased diversity and support of women (Shout out RebelleCon & Self Employment in the Arts Conference), and I am proud that my clients do not all look like me or come from the same background. But that should be the norm, not a badge of honor. I encourage you to consider real diversity when it comes to organizing or attending events this year, and as you market your business. There’s much work to do here.

3. Pretending that me being me, and you being you, isn’t worth thousands of dollars. Ok real talk- when I first started coaching {which btw I didn’t set out to do and struggled with that title!} I made a statement that, “I will never be one of those coaches that charges thousands for their programs.” And so I wasn’t…and I also didn’t make much money because even though I was ALL about teaching other people to charge their worth and price smartly and create a profitable business, I had put this enormous block around my own income. My subconscious was saying you’re not good enough, you’re not experienced enough, those other coaches do a whole lot of stuff you don’t do, they’re stealing from people, they’re charging high prices just so they can wear Louboutins to the beach… But what I’ve learned is that being ME, using my inherent skills and my intuition and my experiences of almost a decade in business, and thinking about my clients’ businesses, and researching things for them, and showing up present on calls and tapping into their energy and putting my energy into creating programs that will support them in finding their voice and building their dream- HELL YEAH THAT IS WORTH THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS. And truthfully, I’ve had more people complain or ask for a discount on a $20 experience than on any of my $500+ offers. If people aren’t buying talk to different people- because you ARE worth it and lowering your prices or your standards is hurting everyone. And my wealth goals are not about buying labels, they’re about ensuring me and my family have a happy fruitful life and that I’m helping other creative, big hearted, talented women also learn to do what they love and live & work in a way that brings them joy and comfort. Tiny home, mansion, gowns or paint stained jeans- your version of success & wealth is valid and worthy of pursuing.

4. Enough with the kicking people’s butts into charging more or hustling more or acting like a 10k blueprint is going to solve all the issues. What I’m showing up with for my clients is straight up LOVE, not tough love, just love. Because behind all the doubts, and self conscious choices, and hesitation, and lack of visibility, and fear of connecting, fear of failure, fear of money, fear of success, trauma and hurt- is a lack of love. Love for oneself, love from others, connecting with the love from the Universe… most people are lacking in love of some form. Not blueprints, not 5k months, not ideas or strategies, they just need to experience a deep sense of love from the inside out and from those around them. So that’s what I’m showing up for. {And see point 3, we’ll connect it to the money!} But it’s not surface, or superficial, it’s not easy, it’s deep, it’s intense and it’s important.

All this has been rumbling beneath the surface and during a new moon release yesterday came to the forefront and had to be said. Saying all this feels out of my comfort zone, yet completely in my truth zone. And as I move through this year and share more experiences of truth telling outside the comfort zone, I will keep this quote in mind that I put on my vision board.

“I am not afraid, I was born to do this.” - Joan of Arc